Miller Unveils New White House Access Rules, Accuses Liberals of Obsessing Over Nazis
New chief of staff announces loyalty screenings, presidential access restrictions, and personnel reforms inspired by absolutely nobody.
WASHINGTON, D.C., November 7, 2026 — Newly appointed White House Chief of Staff Stephen Miller announced sweeping reforms Saturday restricting access to President Donald Trump, dismissing suggestions that the measures resembled practices employed by Nazi Germany.
"We're introducing a modern, efficient system of executive access," Miller explained. "All presidential appointments will require my personal authorization. Cabinet secretaries, military commanders, and congressional leaders will submit requests through my office. Unapproved visitors will be detained."
Reporters noted that Martin Bormann exercised virtually identical control over access to Adolf Hitler.
"I find it disgusting that liberals immediately think of Nazis," Miller replied. "We're discussing administrative efficiency. Why are you obsessed with Hitler?"
Under the new Presidential Reliability Initiative, government employees seeking presidential access must certify political loyalty, document their family backgrounds, and demonstrate an established commitment to administration objectives.
Miller also announced a revised federal oath replacing allegiance to the Constitution with personal loyalty to Trump.
Asked whether these measures resembled Germany's 1933 Civil Service Law and 1934 loyalty oath, Miller grew visibly irritated.
"Again with the Nazis! You people are sick. Is every perfectly reasonable personnel policy automatically fascism now?"
A reporter asked why the new presidential security perimeter featured three progressively restricted zones, color-coded identification passes, armed checkpoints, and mandatory escorts.
"That's called security," Miller snapped. "The Germans didn't invent security."
He then announced the formation of the Presidential Chancellery, whose responsibilities would include screening all presidential correspondence, approving cabinet appointments, and removing officials deemed politically unreliable.
One reporter asked why the office was called a Chancellery.
"Because that's the correct administrative terminology," Miller replied. "What would you call it?"
"Martin Bormann's office."
Miller ordered the reporter taken outside and shot.
"See?" he told the remaining journalists. "This is why we need the new rules."