Trump Announces TrumpTime Stories To End Wokeness At Bedtime
The president launches corrected fairy tales from the Oval Office in what aides insist is not a jealous response to the Obama Library opening.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Furious over mounting media attention surrounding next month’s grand opening of the Obama Presidential Library in Chicago, President Donald Trump announced Thursday the launch of TrumpTime Stories, a new televised Oval Office children’s series in which the president personally reads “corrected” fairy tales designed to restore “traditional American bedtime values.”
The weekly broadcasts will air during prime-time family viewing hours on One America, Newsmax, Patriot+, and the new federal children’s streaming platform KidzTruth™, where officials say they will help combat what the administration calls “radical woke corruption in storybook spaces.”
Standing beside stacks of gold-embossed storybooks and a six-foot animatronic eagle wearing pajamas, Trump explained the purpose of the initiative.
“Obama gets a library, okay? Very overrated library by the way. Probably no books anybody wants to read. So I said we should do something much bigger for children, because the children frankly love me. We’re bringing back the classics but with correct values. Strong values. No weakness.”
According to White House materials, upcoming episodes include revised versions of Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, and The Three Little Pigs, all rewritten to eliminate what administration aides describe as “anti-success messaging.”
During Thursday’s preview taping, Trump offered viewers a sample reading from the updated The Three Little Pigs.
“In the old version,” Trump explained patiently from the Resolute Desk while children stared in uncertain silence, “the brick house wins because of hard work. Totally wrong. Wrong message for kids. In the new version, the smartest pig immediately calls federal authorities and reports the wolf for suspicious border behavior. Tremendous pig. Beautiful pig. Everybody survives.”
Officials confirmed the revised ending concludes with the wolf being denied asylum and forced to pay tariffs on huffing and puffing.
The White House says each episode will also include “patriotic life lessons” teaching children how to identify socialism, media bias, emotional weakness, and insufficient gratitude during family gatherings.
Reaction inside Republican circles has been overwhelmingly positive.
“This finally gives kids alternatives to dangerous stories pushing empathy and sharing,” said Education Secretary Linda McMahon during the launch event. “For too long fairy tales have normalized vulnerability, cooperation, and helping strangers. We’re bodyslamming that shit out of our kids, effective immediately.”
Trump reportedly became visibly irritated during the announcement after one reporter asked whether the series was specifically intended to compete with the Obama Library opening.
“No,” Trump snapped. “Not compete. Dominate. Totally different thing.”
He then unveiled plans for a companion initiative tentatively titled Make Bedtime Great Again, featuring military flyovers during story hour and a proposed executive order requiring all public libraries to carry at least three copies of TrumpTime Stories directly beside the Bible.