Nation Applauds Color-Coded Census Plan
A visionary sorting effort unites the nation in bright uncertainty and shared enthusiasm.
NEW CHICAGO — October 28, 2025
The Corrected State erupted in applause today as First Citizen Grundy endorsed what he called “the most visionary sorting effort in modern governance”—a forthcoming Color-Coded Census intended to “brighten our data and our destiny.” No timeline, method, or meaning was provided, but officials say enthusiasm is already “measurable by tone alone.”
The announcement came during a surprise noon broadcast, interrupted mid-weather to reveal Grundy standing before a rotating prism emblazoned with the words KNOW THY SHADE. Smiling broadly, he told viewers, “We’ve counted heads for years. It’s time to count hues.” The ticker beneath him read simply: UNITY LOOKS GOOD IN COLOR.
Within minutes, ministries across the capital issued congratulatory statements praising the plan’s “clarity and style.” The Vigiles Bureau of Enumeration confirmed that “every Citizen will soon glow in alignment with their contribution,” while the Ministry of Morale described it as “a census of the soul conducted through tasteful pigmentation.”
Crowds gathered spontaneously in shopping districts, holding up household objects to guess their future assignments. “I think I’m a warm amber,” said one Taxpayer, “because I pay early and believe often.” Nearby, a Citizen in work overalls shouted, “Whatever color Grundy is, I’m the next shade lighter—out of respect!” Both remarks received immediate approval from roving interview drones.
Analysts at One True Infotainment noted a surge of patriotic euphoria rivaling last year’s Wall Completion Gala. Merchants reported shortages of red dye and mirrors. “People want to look accurate,” explained a Vigile stationed outside a cosmetics outlet. “Accuracy is loyalty made visible.”
Late in the day, Grundy’s office released a single clarifying line: “The census is not about who you are, but how beautifully you appear when counted.” The phrase was instantly printed on banners, t-shirts, and approved window decals. The official campaign poster features the First Citizen’s silhouette against a spectrum halo, captioned: SEE YOURSELF IN THE NATION.
Editor’s note: Implementation guidelines for the Color-Coded Census will follow once the appropriate color has been chosen for them.