Religion
Religion
National Security
Tommy Two-Tone Renditioned to GitMo After “Numeric Threat Campaign”
Officials say decades of repetition may indicate coded signaling.
Judiciary
SOCUS Announces 2-for-1 Decision Sale
Americans can now bundle rulings for maximum value.
National Security
Nation’s Jokes Officially Upgraded to Ballistic Weapons
Humor reclassified as a national threat.
World
King Charles Offers U.S. Return to British Monarchy
Outsourcing authority gains quiet support.
Politics
White House Ballroom Separation Plan
Guests arranged by importance tiers.
National Security
Schrödinger’s War Model Adopted
War now both over and escalating.
Energy
$100 Oil Declared “Effectively Free”
Numbers now a matter of perspective.
Wellness
Trump Turns to Goat Yoga
Goats seen as strategic advisors.
National Security
Kid Rock to Open Strait of Hormuz
Geography responds to vibe authority.
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