Pacific VIP Access
Administration officials denied the President was bribed, insisting he had merely been tipped after receiving a friendship bracelet and several crisp bills from Xi Jinping.
White House officials say president’s “instinctive alpha communication style” immediately destabilized Xi Jinping psychologically.
Religion
Clergy clarify Old Testament prohibition only applied to “false idols without presidential immunity.”
Featured
President announces peace breakthrough moments after expanding emergency bombing operations throughout the Strait of Hormuz.
Immigration
Administration calls flooded National Mall detention site “a beautiful compromise between security and tourism.”
Featured
Federal officials defended the destruction of the Pope’s ceremonial vehicle as a necessary demonstration of border seriousness after papal criticism of deportation raids.
National Security Science
Analysts say the Iran conflict now exists in a flawless quantum state: simultaneously peaceful, escalatory, defensive, offensive, contained, expanding, and extremely good for cable graphics.
National Security
Energy
DOJ targets ‘math conspiracies’ as Americans continue paying full price at the pump.
Economy
Flexibility, amorality cited.
Religion
Leader unleashes on suspicious competing religious figure.
National Security
Officials say '867-5309' song represents decades-long assassination attempt.
Judiciary
Americans can now bundle rulings for maximum value.
Defense
Americans now protected before birth.
National Security
Humor reclassified as a national threat.