Featured
Featured
Energy
White House Declares Gasoline Free As Prices Near $5 Nationwide
DOJ targets ‘math conspiracies’ as Americans continue paying full price at the pump.
Economy
Nation’s Largest Employer Now “Freelance Chaos Agent,” Overtakes Healthcare
Flexibility, amorality cited.
Religion
Trump Blasts Pope Leo In Late-Night Truth Social Post
Leader unleashes on suspicious competing religious figure.
National Security
Tommy Two-Tone Renditioned to GitMo After “Numeric Threat Campaign”
Officials say '867-5309' song represents decades-long assassination attempt.
Judiciary
SOCUS Announces 2-for-1 Decision Sale
Americans can now bundle rulings for maximum value.
Defense
NanoGun Declared “Historic Leap in Preemptive Safety”
Americans now protected before birth.
National Security
Nation’s Jokes Officially Upgraded to Ballistic Weapons
Humor reclassified as a national threat.
World
King Charles Offers U.S. Return to British Monarchy
Outsourcing authority gains quiet support.
Politics
White House Ballroom Separation Plan
Guests arranged by importance tiers.
National Security
Schrödinger’s War Model Adopted
War now both over and escalating.
Energy
$100 Oil Declared “Effectively Free”
Numbers now a matter of perspective.
Wellness
Trump Turns to Goat Yoga
Goats seen as strategic advisors.
National Security
Kid Rock to Open Strait of Hormuz
Geography responds to vibe authority.
Domestic Security
Project Harambe Hoax Somehow Sabotages Supply Depot
Officials urge citizens not to assign meaning to bananas arranged in precise numerical formations.
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